There's a lot of fake, gimmickry and embellishment. Sadly, tomorrow there will be even more. It's a great time to focus on real instead. Do something purposeful to make reality better. It will probably stand out and be more appreciated than ever before.
Portfolios
Our work is a series of projects. Some examples...
projects within one company
work done for a variety of companies
work done for individuals
a business we started
a group we led
a presentation we made
a workshop or training program we led
Now, if we were going to tell people about our projects, describe them in such a way they might become interested in having us do similar work for them, how would we go about it? Would we merely write some copy, black letters on a page? How could we show our work, talk about it, create some theatre which was more compelling, more interesting and more revealing about how and why we do our work, not just that we did it? What tools are available today which tells a better story than a resume or cover letter?
We need to think of our work like artists do. We need to show our best work (and maybe some failures) in the best light, like a portfolio or in a gallery. In the end, we're all artists if our work is unique to us, which is a story worth telling. And, how we tell it becomes part of the story. Choose wisely.
Delight
Ultimately, we're all here to make someone happy. We work, we play, we socialize, we connect, we debate, we get angry because in the end we want things to be better. Maybe delight isn't our goal with every act. But, in the end it must be. Otherwise, what's it all for? Just to do? Or, to matter? And if it matters, shouldn't we try to do it better?
Worth considering. Choose wisely.
Who Would Be Missed
...if we didn't show up with vigor?
...if we held back?
...if we made an excuse?
...if we didn't lean in?
...if we didn't take a risk?
...if we weren't generous?
...if we didn't listen?
People notice and value who we are and what we stand for far more than what we do. And who we are is largely made up of tiny acts, small promises and the habits we've developed. If we work on the bits and pieces, the legacy takes care of itself.
Alignment
Think of the last ten separations, voluntary or involuntary, between your company and an employee. What was the cause of the failed relationship? Was it the lack of hard skills, i.e., competence? Was it not showing up? Was it a poor attitude? Or, was it failed company leadership, coaching and nurturing? Perhaps it was more than what's seen on the surface.
Most separations between an employer and an employee have little to do with the hard skills and competence. More often, just like a failed personal relationship, the root cause of these break-ups runs deeper, into the values and beliefs of both parties.
When someone regularly doesn't show up with their best self, it's rooted in the lack of care and commitment to growth. They don't care about the same things as much as we do. And, they don't value personal growth as much as we would like them to. They're not committed to forward motion, first on a personal level, which in turn fuels the organization they're plugged into.
The time to understand someone's values and cultural alignment is at the beginning of the journey together, or even better before the ship sets sail. The primary purpose of any interview then is for both sides to understand what makes the other tick, and how much alignment or misalignment there may be on a cultural level. More specifically, it should help us determine where we're going and why, who we will become, what we can contribute and what change we seek to make? The rest, the technical parts, experience and eduction are subordinate to the culture. They're important for sure. But, not the most critical. It's more important to understand dreams, passions, goals and why we're at the table...because that's what we get excited about. And what we get excited about is what gets us to show up fully everyday, even when we don't feel like it.
Alignment matters...a lot.
Safe Place
"These generous souls challenge me to grow while doing it safely and nurturing, never with intention to hurt or “fix” me.", Annette Mason
Helping others improve works best when there's common ground...alignment of values, beliefs and organizational direction. People here do things like this. It's also important we're all committed to better, to forward motion, to a growth mindset. But, none of it works if we don't feel safe. If we don't feel we can openly discuss our own challenges, concerns and ideas, we won't. If our flaws are seen as failure, something which can't be fixed, we've lost the chance to improve. The goal then is to remove the fear, to awaken, to help people see, in a generous and safe way, without fear of ridicule or embarrassment. The goal is to acknowledge we're all flawed, we're all human, and we're all here to help each other see our imperfections and get better. The only thing standing in our way is willingness to try. The culture takes care of the rest.
Believers vs. Followers
Two things which often get in the way of leadership…titles and authority. We’ve been conditioned to believe authority and a higher position in an organization begets a following. And on the basis of financial security, it does. But, just because a person falls in line doesn't make them a believer.
Leadership begins with a vision, and then enrollment of people in this vision. This takes tremendous patience, experience and effort…and a willingness to be accountable for change, even when the goal isn’t achieved. Of course, it’s easier to simply direct and manage an outcome. But the long-term effects of this approach are higher turn-over and poor results. It turns out, most people want to learn, want to lead and want to take an active part in the process of change. It's also well documented, people are filled with great ideas. Sometimes, better than ours. Leadership activates participation and the energy of people who believe what we believe. It gives them a chance to make a difference, not just follow along.
There are instances when a precise outcome with no variance and no time for deliberation needs to occur, an airliner in peril or when the water line breaks. These instances demand experience, and doing what this experience suggests, without deliberation. But for everything else, we need more leadership, more participation, more learning and more teaching. Because in the end, we need things to change…and this requires someone to lead us there…not just to tell us what to do next.
Extra Time
This is what we define as our time, something we control, something we get to have once the work is complete. How much of it we get is often out of our control, subject to the demands of others. One more email, phone call or pop-up meeting. But, it's also in our control. We can be better organized, better planned and better at saying "no". We can limit distraction, work on only what's most important and move the rest to the shelf.
Extra time isn't something we receive, it's something we make. The real question is what do we do with it once we make it. What's the extra time for? If we decided this in advance, it's possible, maybe even likely, we wouldn't save it for extra time. We would merely do it anyway.
There is no extra time for any of us. Our timelines are all limited. Extra is a trap we use to keep us from doing things, sometimes really important things. We just need to decide whether to fall for it, or not. Choose wisely.
HT to Haley for the nudge
Get to vs. Need to
Selling electricity is different than selling an idea or coffee. There are some things people believe they must have. Everything else is something they get to have. If you’re reading this, it’s likely you’re rich with choice...you get to vs. have to.
At this point, almost everyone believes they need a mobile phone. But, the style, the operating system, the size...these are choices we get to make. Perhaps we're selling an idea which will make people feel safer, more comfortable. Most people would say they need some basic level of comfort. But, the comfort we're offering might not match the one they think they need. It might fall into their "get to" category.
Marketing, what's on offer and the story we tell about it, is largely to satisfy choice. And, this type of marketing, "get to" marketing, itself is filled with choices. For the most part, we don't need to do marketing when we're satisfying a need. But, we get to do marketing when someone has a choice. We get to choose what to make. We get to decide on specifications, and the promise we make to those we serve. We get to decide the level of quality. And, we get to hire the right people, who care enough to make someone smile. Ultimately, the market decides what to buy and what it's worth. We merely get to make something they believe they just can't live without, even though they could.
Anonymity
We don't feel the need to know who actually made our latte, who picked the coffee bean or milked the cow. Even a beautiful painting can stand on its own. But, once we connect the thing or the act to a person, it has more meaning...it becomes personal. The downside of personal is there's nowhere to hide. Our craftsmanship is now on the line. So is our point of view, and whether we care enough about what we're doing, and how it affects those around us. We might be seen in a light we hadn't intended. We might actually be seen. This changes our posture because we become responsible. And personal responsibility makes us better because, thankfully, most of care how we're seen.
Working behind a mask seems safer. But, it almost certainly guarantees we're not getting the best work. What a shame.
The Benefit of Insight
How we see things today is almost certainly not how we saw them in our youth, or even yesterday. We change as we engage, and as we experience the world around us...we learn.
Of course, we don't always like what we see. And, we can choose to ignore it. Or, we can take a posture of digging in deeper, seeking to gain a better understanding of what happened and why. Perhaps we can use it to serve our future. Or better yet, someone else's future. The one thing we can't do is unsee it. So, we might as well use it to make things better.
Nothing to See Here
But, of course there is. What's underneath, behind the curtain? What's happening when no one is looking? Is there a regimen, a stream of work serving a purpose? Are there actions worth talking about? Show us...I bet there's something to see here after all.
For One
Everything we do can be done uniquely to serve one person. Every service, every product, every interview, every presentation is unique, until we compromise. As soon as we need to serve it to another, it's no longer individual. As soon as we need to scale, the edges become blurred. And, if we do this enough, it eventually becomes one size fits all.
Serving only one is often not a sustainable model. Serving a few might be. But, more often, the group needs to be bigger. So, some trade-off's are inevitable. We make three sizes which accommodate most. We choose a pallet of colors which satisfy a thousand. We use software which most people are used to. It's a natural progression to serve groups and niches large enough to meet our goals and to give us a chance to do it again tomorrow.
The opportunity lies in figuring out which parts of what we do can still be done as if it was only for one. What part of the exchange, the service, the delivery, the script can be left to artistry, to dancing in the moment with the person in front of us. How can we cause unexpected delight...wow, you did this just for me?
Of course, acting this way is risky. The outcome isn't predictable. It might not work. But, at least it will be different, which is the only way to be truly be unique. Bespoke comes at a price. But, so does the regular kind. Choose wisely.
The Cost of Empathy
Understanding a person's point of view comes at a price. Beyond the effort and time, there's more at stake. It's possible we might have seen things incorrectly. It's possible we may have come to the wrong conclusion. It's possible we had the wrong impression of this person. It's possible...
The risk we accept when we truly dig deeper and care enough to understand why someone feels they way they feel is we might change our mind. And changing our mind might lead to even more possibility. And, it might make things better. The alternative almost certainly won't, and will probably cost more. Choose wisely.
The Next One
What will our next conversation be like? The next introduction? The next interview or sales pitch? Will it be approached exactly like the last one? Or, can we make it better?
It's easier to modify physical things because the specifications are definable and measurable. We can make it smoother, rounder, stronger or more pliable. The impact and value of a conversation however is much harder to determine. The only measurement is how we make someone feel. And this in itself is hard to measure. There's no scale for delight, empathy or compassion. It's completely individual. But, despite the lack of spec, we can try harder. We can become a better listener, more friendly, more approachable and more compassionate. We can make small adjustments and watch how people respond. Caring more about how we interact might be the most important choice we get to make.
We can't measure the clicks of the ratchet, but we know turning it will make things better. It almost certainly isn't going to make it worse.
We can't change the last one. But, we can use it to influence the next one...if we choose to.
What's the Problem?
If we're in the business of serving others, and most of us are, we're in the business of helping them solve problems. The problem is the opportunity, the problem is the work. Without a problem, there is no work, there is no service.
Identifying the problem can be tricky. Problems like to fake us out. Someone looking to buy clothes isn't just looking for clothing. They're likely also looking for a way to improve their status and how they're seen by others. They're looking to improve their relationship with the outside world. Same goes for cars, massage therapy, leadership training, dining out and golf lessons. Virtually everything discretionary, things we get to do versus what we have to do, becomes a marketing problem, where the solution goes beyond satisfying a need.
What's the problem underneath the problem. Worth digging for if we really want to help.
The Gift of Failure
We all know we're going to have service failure moments, no matter our business. None of us work in a fully controlled experiment. Stuff happens.
The key is to decide what we're going to do about our failures...in advance. We need to get the thrashing out of the way when things are calm. We need to draw our lines in the sand when we have more freedom to make a good decision. And, we need to determine how our decisions support our culture ahead of show time.
Should we offer to pay for the mistake? Should we invite them to return as our guest? How much are we willing to compensate for the problem? Are we willing to be wrong even if the evidence indicates otherwise? Of course, we can't foresee every detail. We don't need to. But, what we need to understand is how we're prepared to make someone feel despite any problems. If the true goal is to let no one leave unhappy, it's a line in the sand which comes with a price. And, sometimes it's expensive, in both dollars and humility. Are we empathetic, compassionate and humble? Are we willing to be gracious in the face of failure? Or, are we more interested in being correct?
What's the failure for? Is it a gift...a chance to make an even more memorable impression? Is it a chance to rally around our values? What's the story we get to tell about how we do things around here in the face of adversity? Choose in advance. Choose wisely.
Notice and Ask
If we're interested in making personal change and improving a skill in hopes of being seen differently, it helps to begin with the present. What do we look like now? Of course, what we think doesn't really matter. It's just our theory until we have some affirmation from the outside world. We might believe we're friendly and outgoing. And, we might be. Or, we might be some of the time, with some people, but not others. We need to collect some data to determine reality now as well as the possibility and potential impact of our change.
Receiving feedback is much more palatable if it's a strategy. And, it doesn't need to be a formal exercise with forms and intermediaries. It could be, but it's not necessary. The key is to notice. How do people approach you, when do they seek you out, why do they come to you, what questions do they ask? Does the engagement feel rigid or forced? Or, is it friendly and open? How often do they show up? Be honest with yourself, write about this and share it with someone you trust.
Secondly, ask someone you trust to give you honest feedback for help. First, ask them to describe the type of person they look up to, want to be around, want to emulate. What are the behavioral qualities of this person? Some frequent responses...approachable, good listener, kind, consistent, inspirational, charismatic, problem solver and helpful . Now, the harder part. Ask them how you could become this person. What would you need to change in order to develop some or all of these qualities. Ask them to be specific and identify one or two small actions for each quality., i.e, smile more, approach people without an agenda, etc. It's key to identify actions they believe will help you develop. Don't debate them. Receive them, and then do them. It's true, actions speak louder than words.
Everyone is capable of change. First, they need to want to. Then, they need to listen, actively and with purpose. If we believe getting better helps those we serve, it's well worth taking a closer look.
Can We Make It Better?
Some things can't be improved. We can't make our height, our place of birth or the job we left last year any better. It's tempting to add things like temperament, public speaking, creativity, drawing, playing music and hearing tone to this list. These are often referred to as talents or gifts, which are somehow naturally bestowed upon us at birth. Hogwash. This is just a way of hiding and avoiding the fear of failing, which is what's required to get better.
If we can learn about it, practice it and measure our progress, we can get better at it. If we can see our future self becoming more approachable, more generous, better at giving and receiving feedback, playing an instrument, singing in front of people, articulating clear points or being a better rower, the only thing stopping us from getting there is our choice to not make it a priority to do so. It has nothing to do with natural talent.
We need to be mindful of the possibilities we rule out...because the list is probably shorter than we think.
Boundaries
...create a common existence. They create a more certain future, reducing the chaos of an individually interpretive society. But, they come with a price...a common existence, and perhaps one we might not choose if it were up to us. Boundaries then, for the most part, aren't for us. They're for the others, the collective us. We give up freedom of choice for the benefit of making others comfortable.
The freedom to act how we choose, through the filters and lenses we use to see the world, is a selfish act. Offering up some of this freedom to others is selfless, a gift, and the price of being individual, of being both human and humane. The generosity of restriction might be the highest form of care. Choose both freedoms and boundaries wisely.