...if we didn't show up with vigor?
...if we held back?
...if we made an excuse?
...if we didn't lean in?
...if we didn't take a risk?
...if we weren't generous?
...if we didn't listen?
People notice and value who we are and what we stand for far more than what we do. And who we are is largely made up of tiny acts, small promises and the habits we've developed. If we work on the bits and pieces, the legacy takes care of itself.
Habits are involuntary acts done primarily to serve ourselves for immediate gratification. It's all the things we do without thought, both good and bad, which make us feel good, safe and secure. And, we would miss them if they were gone. It's why breaking them is so hard to do.
Habits also create an image, how we're seen by the outside world. Our cleanliness, sloppiness, reading and eating habits, all define who we are to the people around us. They make up our posture, approach and attitude towards things. So, they count.
Habits aren't work. Work is what we do with intention for someone else whether we feel like it or not. It's our regimen, process and systematic effort to produce a specific change in the world. There's an outcome in mind when we do our work. Our work might become routine, and probably is, but it's not a habit because we need to choose to do it.
The key then is to develop habits which better serve our work. And to break the ones which don't. We can also change some things we consider work into habits. The goal is to work to create unintentional acts for the benefit of those around us. Eventually, how we're seen improves, our work improves, results improve and we feel better.
Some habits to consider forming...
smiling
neatness
punctuality
listening
cleanliness
personal hygiene
attentiveness
cheerfulness
eye contact
Worth a shot.
The habits most likely to help us make progress are the ones we're most challenged by, the ones which get in the way of going about our day. Convenience is the enemy of discovery, creativity and adventure. But, it's this sort of pioneering, doing the hard, and often inconvenient thing which leads to innovation and better. And, it almost never happens by chance. It happens because we decided to go there, then to build a regimen and endure the slog.
Mostly, convenience is for our comfort. And no creative act or art comes from comfort. Rather, it's born from pushing ourselves towards inconvenience and the discomfort of it. The paradox is the practice of building in habits of discomfort ultimately becomes comfortable. It becomes our new normal. And this in turn demands more discomfort. And so the ratchet turns.
Small, intentional inconveniences eventually make things better. It's a habit worth forming.
By now, the vast majority of New Year's resolutions have failed. It's a recurring theme. State an ambitious goal, make a plan, start with enthusiasm...and fade. The problem lies in using the goal as the target. And the size of the goal doesn't matter much. Whether it's 10 pounds or 50 is incidental. There's a good chance we won't lose all of the weight not because the goal is too aggressive, but because the focus is on the outcome, not what it takes to get there.
The resolve should be centered on habit forming. And furthermore, it should begin with really small habits, which eventually will lead to bigger ones. Want to run a first marathon in the upcoming year having not run more than a mile since grade school? The marathon shouldn't be the resolution. Forming habits to become a runner should be the resolution. Then, start small. Put on sneakers every morning at 5:30 am and walk to the mail box. Every day, without fail, rain, snow or shine. Do this every day and you'll be walker. Then, you can add in running. Over time, you'll be a runner. And if nothing else, you'll be sure to check your mail.
Goals are important. Who we become is more important. We become what we do, day after day.
The writing itself isn't being blocked. We can make time for sitting at the keyboard or with a notepad. It's not even the lack of words, thoughts or ideas. They're in there. They're just not in the right place at the right time. The writing process is a process, just like any other thing we do with intention. The writing part is vital. But, it's just a part of the necessary flow, from spark, to idea, to recall and finally to codification. We think of writer's block as something which happens to us at the end, when we're scheduled to write. But, it's more likely there's something in the way along the way, before we're faced with writing it down. The blank we're drawing is part pressure induced (the need to get something on paper now) and part empty basket of things to write about.
The excitement, the energy, the flow or zone effect we feel from writing comes from an idea. Where do ideas come from? Idea flow is different for each of us, just like appetite or favorite color. But, essentially all ideas are born from noticing and then weaving something into and around what we notice. A former colleague made a habit of noticing and then immediately marking what he noticed on a sticky note, usually one word or two. They were everywhere, like a trail of crumbs leading to a lost meal. Later, he would use them to construct an idea and then to develop a more articulated thought and perhaps a project to work on. He always had a seemingly endless amount of ideas...and projects. And these weren't born at a scheduled time. They were born from noticing and being sparked by something.
A possible cure for writer's block is to develop a habit of noticing and to create a system for it. Whether we use sticky notes, a photo, a voice memo or a notepad doesn't matter. The point is to use a tool to record the sparks. We need to give ourselves fuel for the engine of writing, painting, engineering or any other creative endeavor. More fuel provides more energy, and more interest. It might help us look forward to the time we get to write.
Most of us are lucky enough to receive thousands of stimuli daily, lots of input which causes thought, albeit sometimes just for a moment or two. The key is to be present with these moments. And then to capture them for later use. Build a habit of being more present, and a system for recalling it later. Maybe it's as simple as a sticky note.
HT to Alex, thank you for the ideas
Most of us use calendars as a reminder of deadlines, appointments and special commitments. In this way, they're quite useful. They help us serve others. They remind us what should be done when. But, they fall short in helping us do our best work. We can schedule time at the gym...but come up with reasons not to go. We can establish a schedule to learn...and not show up.
A calendar brings the urgency of something we owe someone to the forefront. It creates enough tension to force action, albeit often at the last minute. But, the hard work we need to do for ourselves, the regimen necessary to get ourselves to the gym, to the computer or to the classroom comes from a different place. It comes from initiative and caring enough about the thing to be persistent and resilient in the face of hardship. Doing the work despite the roadblocks, despite not having enough time is done in the present. Practicing generosity, gratitude, better public speaking, math, writing is something we can do anytime if we choose to. But alas, some of us need a crutch, an organized place to put the practice time. So, perhaps a better calendar would include time for regimens, habits and persistence, and not just the outcomes. Of course, once we've committed to the work and made it a habit, we don't need a schedule anymore. We merely do it because it's what we decided to do.
We don't need a New Year's resolution or any other artificial reminder to set new expectations and try harder. We don't need a calendar. Our best work is done when we decide to do it. And, it's always time to do it.
Goal achievement for the most part is the result of work. And, our work is what defines us. It's how we're seen by the world. A title doesn't describe who we are, it's a symbol of what we've achieved and where someone might find us doing our work. It's the work, the regimen, the habit of showing up with a certain posture, attitude and skill, the digging in and enduring the slog which is who we have become. Our approach to, prejudice for and persistence to make our work better is evidenced in the habits we've developed. Some of this is wrapped up in the positions and results we've achieved. But mostly, it's underneath, in the weeds, where no one is looking.
If we want to achieve more and better results, we should start with deciding who we need to become to give us the best chance to achieve them. And then, develop the work habits to become this person.
A writer who doesn't write on schedule, with intent, even when she doesn't feel like it...isn't a writer.
A teacher who doesn't seek to better understand students...isn't teaching.
A speaker who doesn't doesn't practice and perfect presenting...isn't a speaker.
A researcher who isn't obsessed with finding new ways of turning data into information...isn't a researcher.
What habits do we need to develop to do better work? Who do we need to become to make the difference we seek to make?
Don't show us the resume. Show us the approach to the work instead.
...is the enemy of the habit.
The interesting part of starting something new is that it's new. The excitement we feel with a new endeavor, even if it's physically or mentally hard, is the fuel we need to keep us coming back. Once the new wears off however, boring and tedious take its place. It becomes work...a slog. The best time to rationalize our way out of a habit is during the slog because hanging right over there, in plain view, is the excitement of something new, something different, something more interesting. Something seemingly more worth doing.
There are two ways to deal with the tediousness of work. Make it ever more interesting, which is almost impossible to do. Or, bring the slog forward. Determine up front what we'll do when we reach the point of being bored. This is the hard part of work. Not necessarily the work itself. But, the enduring nature of it...the sameness. We need to decide if the slog is worth it, before we start. Then, we can decide whether to start in the first place.
What would happen if we stopped our work? What would happen if the sum of our habits, the work, was left incomplete? Would it be missed? The paradox is we can't be certain of the answers until we've started...and endured the tedious slog. And then, we need to remind ourselves why we already decided to keep going.
Happy New Habit season. Choose wisely.
We're more likely to form habits when we're comfortable, when the first step is obvious and manageable. Practicing guitar is more likely to occur if the instrument is kept in plain sight and within reach. We're more likely to improve our coding skills if the computer is accessible, and we commit to opening the web browser. Habits, both good and bad, are formed with small, manageable steps, not giant leaps.
Creativity, on the other hand, comes from discomfort. The art of crafting something and delivering it in a meaningful way doesn't come from comfort. It comes from the hard work of making the decision to show our work and from the persistence, practice and effort necessary to create something worth talking about. The responsibility of the artist is to create something from nothing, without a script. And this comes only from discomfort. The artist is comfortable with discomfort, in fact seeks it...is lost without it. The guitar is placed out of reach to force a challenge...to go somewhere new.
Use comfort to do the work. Use discomfort to create art. Choose wisely.
One of the byproducts of being forced into more on-line connection, specifically video conferencing (Zoom or other), is the chance to improve speaking and presentation skills. A method we can use on-line which we can't so often in real life is to select how much of the audience we see. We can narrow the field of view to one (or even none) as opposed to seeing the entire group. We're able to limit the distraction of what others are doing, which tricks our lizard brain. The lack of external inputs allows us to focus on our delivery. Of course, those inputs are still there, people are still checking email while we speak. But, we can't see it...so, it doesn't matter. Practice on-line and then employ the same tactic in front of a live audience. Focus on one (or none).
What else can we choose not to see? What habits can we form which create more focus and eliminate distractions. What other sort of trickery can we develop? Something to consider in our quest to get better.
Most of us don’t have a problem with not doing the daily tasks necessary to live comfortably. We take showers, eat and produce enough work to earn an income. And while we take a break on occasion, we don’t need much coercion to obey this system of rules and order. It’s understood these actions are necessary to prevent problems, real problems like embarrassment, hunger, shame and even death. The discipline to do them is baked in…no need to think much about it. These things are both important…and urgent.
But once we move beyond mission critical tasks, self control is in jeopardy. Now, we're dealing more and more with desired outcomes, the consequences of which are too distant or unknown to compel action. Even something simple like making our bed each day falls victim to inaction because once our parents aren’t looking anymore, the immediate consequence of being scolded has vanished.
A common reason given for inaction is a lack of discipline or self-control over emotions and desires, i.e., watching TV vs. doing work. When we fail to get the important things done, it’s helpful to understand the components of what is actually holding us back...
Desire- How much do we really want to reach the finish line? What’s at stake? How does this change over time (desire fade)? Is the outcome part of our legacy? Is it important? Or, merely urgent?
Consequence Time Shifting- What happens when we don’t finish? How do we bring this part of our future forward so we can feel it now? How can we feel it every day?
Habit Pro- How do we develop small habits, which will turn into larger ones, which will become part of our make-up, which will get us to the finish line? What habits can we fall in love with which will help us achieve our goals? And, which habits do we need to show-up and do even when we don’t feel like it? How do we become a professional at these habits?
Perhaps we can gain more self control by…
Creating legacy driven goals.
Making the pain of not achieving them real now.
Developing small habits which we will do every day to build momentum and achieve success along the way.
In his marvelous book, Turning Pro, Steven Pressfield teaches us the importance of developing habits, specifically pro habits vs. amateur habits. Pro habits result in a consistent flow of professional work which is shipped whether or not we “feel” like it. In other words, we show up and do the work because we committed to doing it. Amateurs only show up when it feels right, the mood strikes them, the sun is warm, etc. All of us have both amateur and pro habits…its part of being human. There is nothing wrong with being an amateur. But, if we are seeking to do important work that matters (to us and to others), we must develop pro habits. And by “pro”, I don’t mean getting paid. Sure, our jobs are the most common example of being a professional. We show up, do the work to the best of our ability…rinse and repeat. We do this because we must, not necessarily because we want to every day. If we’re lucky, we’re doing work at a job we like to do…not everyone is so lucky. However, we can turn pro in almost everything. For instance, we can decide to approach exercise professionally. Or, learning, reading, writing, playing an instrument, cleaning, communicating with our kids…the list is endless.
The first order of business to using a professional approach is to decide what is important enough to do even when it’s inconvenient. What is important enough to sacrifice something for? Because all professionals know there will come a time when it feels like it’s not worth it. A pro knows this time is coming, and decides what to do with this feeling or pain before it comes. This way, there is no decision to make when it actually does come…it was already made.
Secondly, as pro’s we need to develop new habits (or perhaps replace old ones). Habits are different than goals. Goals are the outcome (lose 30 pounds, finish writing a book, learn to build a website, etc.). Habits are the practices we need to get there. Too often the practices, the habits we set for ourselves are more like goals…and they’re too big. Exercising an hour each day and consuming 30% less calories seems reasonable if we want to lose weight. But if we’re starting from zero, this can be quite daunting. In fact, it can seem so overwhelming that we either give up before we start or soon after. The key to forming habits is to start small. No, even smaller than that. Start so small that it is borderline ridiculous. How about exercising five minutes each day. Surely, we can all find five minutes each day. Short of an all out crisis (which happens), there’s virtually no chance for failure…because we don’t like to fail at something so “easy”. I once had a conversation with someone who wanted to run to become more healthy, but kept failing because of the peer pressure, the pain and fear of failure to even run a mile. She knew I was into running and asked for my thoughts. My suggestion was simple…get up every day and walk to the mailbox. Then, once she did this without fail, I encouraged her to walk to the end of the street, and so on. Once she mastered walking, I told her she could mix in a short run…I mean short (to the mail box) and then once she was consistently performing at this level, she could run longer. She checked in with me randomly a few months later…she was a runner. Little secret (which you probably already guessed)…doing something five minutes each day turns into ten pretty quickly…and we’re off!
Big practices, like big goals, are monsters. And the most harm they can do is to keep us from starting. Start building pro habits by starting small practices. The monsters don’t pay attention to those until it’s too late.
Hopefully we choose to become pro’s at something…the world needs us. And if we do, consider becoming a five or ten minute pro first…so there’s a better chance of actually being seen.
Which five minute habit will we start today? Choose wisely.