If we're interested in making personal change and improving a skill in hopes of being seen differently, it helps to begin with the present. What do we look like now? Of course, what we think doesn't really matter. It's just our theory until we have some affirmation from the outside world. We might believe we're friendly and outgoing. And, we might be. Or, we might be some of the time, with some people, but not others. We need to collect some data to determine reality now as well as the possibility and potential impact of our change.
Receiving feedback is much more palatable if it's a strategy. And, it doesn't need to be a formal exercise with forms and intermediaries. It could be, but it's not necessary. The key is to notice. How do people approach you, when do they seek you out, why do they come to you, what questions do they ask? Does the engagement feel rigid or forced? Or, is it friendly and open? How often do they show up? Be honest with yourself, write about this and share it with someone you trust.
Secondly, ask someone you trust to give you honest feedback for help. First, ask them to describe the type of person they look up to, want to be around, want to emulate. What are the behavioral qualities of this person? Some frequent responses...approachable, good listener, kind, consistent, inspirational, charismatic, problem solver and helpful . Now, the harder part. Ask them how you could become this person. What would you need to change in order to develop some or all of these qualities. Ask them to be specific and identify one or two small actions for each quality., i.e, smile more, approach people without an agenda, etc. It's key to identify actions they believe will help you develop. Don't debate them. Receive them, and then do them. It's true, actions speak louder than words.
Everyone is capable of change. First, they need to want to. Then, they need to listen, actively and with purpose. If we believe getting better helps those we serve, it's well worth taking a closer look.