It might be the most important question we can ask.
What is this project for?
What is the workshop for?
What is this debate for?
What is our persistence for?
What is this design for?
What is this job for?
What is the degree for?
What is this sign for?
What problem will it solve? Who does it serve? How does it make them feel? How does it make things better?
If we're honest, objective and care enough, we can probably make it better too. Choose wisely.
to fuel rage?
to be unkind?
to display emotion?
to create fear?
to display power?
Or, is it a signal for a needed change, something so important it needs more immediate attention. How can we turn anger into positive action, to be used as a tool to calmly make things better?
Anger doesn't need to be used negatively, unless we allow it to be. Choose wisely.
Some things can't be improved. We can't make our height, our place of birth or the job we left last year any better. It's tempting to add things like temperament, public speaking, creativity, drawing, playing music and hearing tone to this list. These are often referred to as talents or gifts, which are somehow naturally bestowed upon us at birth. Hogwash. This is just a way of hiding and avoiding the fear of failing, which is what's required to get better.
If we can learn about it, practice it and measure our progress, we can get better at it. If we can see our future self becoming more approachable, more generous, better at giving and receiving feedback, playing an instrument, singing in front of people, articulating clear points or being a better rower, the only thing stopping us from getting there is our choice to not make it a priority to do so. It has nothing to do with natural talent.
We need to be mindful of the possibilities we rule out...because the list is probably shorter than we think.
When we encounter someone who chooses to see things differently than we do, behaves in a way we wouldn't, or represents a culture we wouldn't be proud of, we can still act as if...
it's not personal
we might be persuaded
we might change our mind
they might be persuaded
they might change they're mind
there's middle ground
everyone can be happy
no one needs to lose
everyone should benefit
it might get better
Duels are overrated, thankfully. Most stand-offs are. And sometimes, walking away is the most generous act. But if better is a possibility (and it almost always is), someone needs to choose to go there...someone needs to lead the way. Acting as if things might get better in the face of adversity is courageous. It's also generous, which is precisely what we need when the chips are down.
Seeing the possibility of a better option is the first step to getting there. And it's a skill worth developing.
generosity
care
respect
connection
integrity
curiosity
skilled
self worth
discipline
persistence
pursuit
fulfillment
forward motion
better
A better culture is worth stating. It's worth working for. And, it's our line in the sand. We're going there, whether we get there or not.
People follow drama and get engaged in bashing and vitriol in droves. It’s now easier than ever to get on the train. The challenge then is to make a better train, one which represents dignity, respect and empathy even if we can’t get someone to believe our point of view. And, then to care enough to draw a line in the sand when the drama shows up. This train doesn’t go there. Thank you for not coming along.
Leaders make tough decisions, not because they’re popular. But, because it’s the best chance to achieve the change we seek to make.
What does perfect look like? Your idea of a perfect day, painting or smile is likely different than mine. Perfect is defined by the beholder. It's a feeling we have about how something changes us.
Some things are defined as perfect, like a perfect game in baseball. Or, a car made to exacting specifications. But, even those could be better. The perfect game could be shorter, with fewer pitches, on a nicer day. It could be a one hit game with better hot dogs. Like perfect, the definition of better varies for each of us.
An element of perfection often overlooked in favor of specification is effort. The amount of care, generosity and emotional labor poured into something matters. We can tell when someone's smile is underserved. And we notice when the waiter pours themselves into personal service even though the meal comes up short.
Caring enough to act as if it might be perfect for someone is work worth doing. Because we might get lucky, and it might just work.
...to change something for the better. Approach things differently. Ask different questions. Gain a different perspective. Try different methods. Better work is far different than more work. It requires us to think differently.
Work differently to do better work...to make a difference.
Do we care enough to change something...for the better?
It's this capacity which makes us unique...makes us human. Actually solving the challenging problem is a given once we get past the first part.
The alternative is the status quo. Choose wisely.
Once we’ve achieved better, it’s hard to imagine doing any more. But there’s always a better we haven’t thought of…one defined by someone else. So it might be worth trying to get even better…once we understand someone else’s terms.
Better on its own isn’t worth much. It’s too variable. One person’s better is another’s definition of poor taste, and so on. But better defined specifically for the audience we seek is worth quite a lot. There’s great value in understanding what better means to the people we want to change…before spending time getting better.
The only thing standing in the way of getting better is not choosing to do so. Everything else is a story made up to help you feel better about not making the choice.
Choose wisely.