Winner's Circle

We celebrate the winners of finite games. We give them our attention, our cheers and sometimes our trust. The nice thing about a finite game is the boundaries. There are prescribed rules of play and we keep score so we know who to celebrate. Infinite games however, the games we play in life have no score, and the boundaries are shaped by culture and worldview…and they change. Getting better at chess or soccer is fairly straightforward. Learn strategy, adapt to conditions and improve physical skills. Getting better at infinite games, like a relationship with a co-worker or child, takes different skills. There’s no finality, no winner or loser. We play for the sake of playing. And, to make things better for everyone. How can we get better at playing the infinite games? Who do we choose to play with? What’s it for? Who’s it for? Consider and choose wisely.

Photo: Redhook Crit Championship, Barcelona, Spain 2016

Scarcity

Why go to college?

Why take a leadership class?

Why spend time practicing a craft?

Why learn a new skill?

Why do the hard thing?

The purpose of becoming more unique is to lead change and make a difference. But, it's also to create value through scarcity. A unique set of skills and experiences when combined with talent and some good luck creates value. The price is higher when there's only a few...or one. Abundance, on the other hand, creates commodity. One of many is not a premium position. The goal then is to become uniquely qualified to lead the change we seek to make. Determine what's hard, the skill other people shy away from and perhaps what scares us. It might just be worth working on.

We're lucky we live in in a time when we get to choose...which skills to learn and how much to practice Choose wisely.

How Do I Make You Feel?

If our goal is to make a difference, affect change and leave a legacy of service, we might start by asking this very important question. Because without trust, security and the confidence of knowing we have unconditional support from those on the journey with us, we might never achieve the outcomes we seek.

And part two...am I vulnerable enough, open enough and generous enough to accept the answer?

Important Questions

What's it For?

What problem does it solve?

Who's It For?

How does it help make things better for them?

Every decision which affects other people (and almost every decision does) and where there's more at stake than satisfying a personal desire should flow through these questions. If our goal is to make things better for someone else, to serve someone, we can't avoid them. And, if we're honest, we might find our work is more for us than anyone else. Choose wisely.

Who Will We Become?

We are all in motion. Some more than others. We are all going somewhere, physically, emotionally and psychologically. We won't be the same person five, ten or twenty years from now.

Most of us focus on achievement and success, especially in our work. We're trained by our culture, education and environment to be seen as productive, smart and to make a contribution. We measure ourselves through status, financial wealth, material possessions and comfort. What we do, what we make, what we become is an important part of the fabric of our culture.

But, there's another goal each of us faces. Beyond, what we do and what we become is a more important question...who will we become? How will we act? Which values will we hold dear? Will we care enough to choose improvement over status quo, both for ourselves and for those around us? Will we choose to remain curios and resilient even in the face of adversity? Will we choose a path of empathy and learning over authority and control? Will we live into the possibility of changing our mind?

It might be better to focus first on who we want to become and the qualities we want on display, vs. what we hope to achieve. The order is vitally important. Turns out, character matters. Please choose wisely.

Living Into Values

We all have core values. They are the framework we live by. They shape our belief system and our way of doing things. Some of these values are more sacred than others. We would be hard pressed to waiver on the ones we hold the most dear. The most common stated values are integrity, honesty, kindness, spiritual faith and hard work.

Making this list is relatively easy. Acting it out, day by day, especially under pressure or when no one is looking, is the challenging part. These moments are the traps which bring out our true values, and perhaps not those we wish represented us. Our deepest values, the ones we're most committed to, are habitual. They show up in everything we do, whether we state them or not. They are the non-fiction version of ourselves. And, we don't need to think about them. We've practiced them so much, they merely happen.

Our values don't happen just because we believe in them. They happen because we practice them...we live into them. We aren't kind just because we want to be kind. We're kind because we act kindly. And the more we do so, the more we become the kind person other people see.

Our values are not static. They change as we change, through our experiences, our trials and through learning. Values are part of the growth process. They're an integral part of our journey, serving as the guideposts for who we are seeking to become. And, as we change, as our beliefs change, we need to develop new habits to support our evolving values. This takes intention and practice. If we hold punctuality dear (because we value another person's time), we can get better at it if we practice. Over time, if we form the habit of being punctual, we'll be seen more as a selfless person, and one who doesn't waste other people's time.

The key to living into your values is to make them habitual, so they happen without much thought. We need to turn pro at acting out our values. Like any other profession, start small, practice a lot, be honest with ourselves about progress, make adjustments, rinse and repeat. For instance, if we want to be seen as generous, we can start by making one person smile each day. Not two, three or four. Just one. If we do this well, one always turns into two.

All values are a possibility if we decide to live into them. Choose wisely.

What's It For?

It might be the most important question we can ask.

What is this project for?

What is the workshop for?

What is this debate for?

What is our persistence for?

What is this design for?

What is this job for?

What is the degree for?

What is this sign for?

What problem will it solve? Who does it serve? How does it make them feel? How does it make things better?

If we're honest, objective and care enough, we can probably make it better too. Choose wisely.

I'm Not Sure

...I don't fully understand.

Our world prides itself on having an immediate answer...even if it turns out to be wrong. Sometimes, this takes courage and a leap of faith. It might work or it might not. But, it also takes courage to pause and declare uncertainty, especially when there's pressure to act. Being unsure is seen by many as weakness. In most cases, the not doing is misunderstood. It's viewed as incompetence or perhaps even laziness. What a shame because when it's used correctly, followed by questions to gain more insight, it almost always lead to a better outcome.

Saving a life, preventing harm and tapping the buzzer in quiz bowl all demand quick action. By all means these are times to leap. Otherwise, when time permits (and it almost always does), it might be more impactful to reflect on the situation, to determine what better looks like and to select the best course to achieve it.

Courage is measured in forms of bold or daring acts when there's a lot on the line. How much courage does it take to use inaction instead? What if we built in more time? What is immediate for? Choose wisely.

You Only Live Once

Many things we do are permanent. Most of our life choices are indelible and create the fabric of who we become...how we’re seen. And, our choices also shape the world around us...how we’re all seen. Our own actions then come with great responsibility. Acting carelessly or too freely comes at a cost, both personally and culturally. Caring enough to act is if what we do will always make a difference rather than it probably won’t matter is a posture worth consideration.

Everything matters...to someone. And, as far as we know, there are no do overs. Our actions count. All of them. We each make our small dent in the universe. The size isn’t important. But, the impact is. Choose wisely.

Once in a Lifetime

Every day we have a chance. We have a chance to act differently for who's in front of us. We have the opportunity to show up with our best selves.

We might do a repetitive job. We might perform work for the same people everyday. But it doesn't mean we need to act like it. We could act as if we're the only ones capable of doing it this way. We could act like it's the chance of a lifetime to make a small difference.

What would be missed if we were gone? Choose wisely.

Create Better Listeners

Effective listening is an intentional act. It's a posture of leaning in, giving someone our undivided attention, hearing and processing what they're saying to us. It's quite easy to spot ineffective listening. Facial expressions, distractions, body language, responses and reactions are all clues. Sometimes, the recipient just isn't interested or the timing isn't right. But more often, a large part of the burden falls upon us as the story tellers. Is the subject important to the listener? Is our tone and cadence supportive of being understood? What's the conversation for? Is it to enroll someone in an idea? Or, are we delivering a tough message? Or, is it simply chit chat? Each requires a different approach. But, they all require a story, one important and interesting to the listener.

If this was the last conversation we had with someone, would we change it? Would we tell the story differently, with a different posture? Would the message be more clear? Would we make our point more directly? Would we seek a higher level of engagement by asking more questions? Would we say less?

Listening only works when someone wants to hear us. It's our job then to create something worth listening to. Choose wisely...it might be our only shot.

Real

There's a lot of fake, gimmickry and embellishment. Sadly, tomorrow there will be even more. It's a great time to focus on real instead. Do something purposeful to make reality better. It will probably stand out and be more appreciated than ever before.

Portfolios

Our work is a series of projects. Some examples...

• projects within one company

• work done for a variety of companies

• work done for individuals

• a business we started

• a group we led

• a presentation we made

• a workshop or training program we led

Now, if we were going to tell people about our projects, describe them in such a way they might become interested in having us do similar work for them, how would we go about it? Would we merely write some copy, black letters on a page? How could we show our work, talk about it, create some theatre which was more compelling, more interesting and more revealing about how and why we do our work, not just that we did it? What tools are available today which tells a better story than a resume or cover letter?

We need to think of our work like artists do. We need to show our best work (and maybe some failures) in the best light, like a portfolio or in a gallery. In the end, we're all artists if our work is unique to us, which is a story worth telling. And, how we tell it becomes part of the story. Choose wisely.

Delight

Ultimately, we're all here to make someone happy. We work, we play, we socialize, we connect, we debate, we get angry because in the end we want things to be better. Maybe delight isn't our goal with every act. But, in the end it must be. Otherwise, what's it all for? Just to do? Or, to matter? And if it matters, shouldn't we try to do it better?

Worth considering. Choose wisely.

Extra Time

This is what we define as our time, something we control, something we get to have once the work is complete. How much of it we get is often out of our control, subject to the demands of others. One more email, phone call or pop-up meeting. But, it's also in our control. We can be better organized, better planned and better at saying "no". We can limit distraction, work on only what's most important and move the rest to the shelf.

Extra time isn't something we receive, it's something we make. The real question is what do we do with it once we make it. What's the extra time for? If we decided this in advance, it's possible, maybe even likely, we wouldn't save it for extra time. We would merely do it anyway.

There is no extra time for any of us. Our timelines are all limited. Extra is a trap we use to keep us from doing things, sometimes really important things. We just need to decide whether to fall for it, or not. Choose wisely.

HT to Haley for the nudge

Get to vs. Need to

Selling electricity is different than selling an idea or coffee. There are some things people believe they must have. Everything else is something they get to have. If you’re reading this, it’s likely you’re rich with choice...you get to vs. have to.

At this point, almost everyone believes they need a mobile phone. But, the style, the operating system, the size...these are choices we get to make. Perhaps we're selling an idea which will make people feel safer, more comfortable. Most people would say they need some basic level of comfort. But, the comfort we're offering might not match the one they think they need. It might fall into their "get to" category.

Marketing, what's on offer and the story we tell about it, is largely to satisfy choice. And, this type of marketing, "get to" marketing, itself is filled with choices. For the most part, we don't need to do marketing when we're satisfying a need. But, we get to do marketing when someone has a choice. We get to choose what to make. We get to decide on specifications, and the promise we make to those we serve. We get to decide the level of quality. And, we get to hire the right people, who care enough to make someone smile. Ultimately, the market decides what to buy and what it's worth. We merely get to make something they believe they just can't live without, even though they could.

For One

Everything we do can be done uniquely to serve one person. Every service, every product, every interview, every presentation is unique, until we compromise. As soon as we need to serve it to another, it's no longer individual. As soon as we need to scale, the edges become blurred. And, if we do this enough, it eventually becomes one size fits all.

Serving only one is often not a sustainable model. Serving a few might be. But, more often, the group needs to be bigger. So, some trade-off's are inevitable. We make three sizes which accommodate most. We choose a pallet of colors which satisfy a thousand. We use software which most people are used to. It's a natural progression to serve groups and niches large enough to meet our goals and to give us a chance to do it again tomorrow.

The opportunity lies in figuring out which parts of what we do can still be done as if it was only for one. What part of the exchange, the service, the delivery, the script can be left to artistry, to dancing in the moment with the person in front of us. How can we cause unexpected delight...wow, you did this just for me?

Of course, acting this way is risky. The outcome isn't predictable. It might not work. But, at least it will be different, which is the only way to be truly be unique. Bespoke comes at a price. But, so does the regular kind. Choose wisely.

The Cost of Empathy

Understanding a person's point of view comes at a price. Beyond the effort and time, there's more at stake. It's possible we might have seen things incorrectly. It's possible we may have come to the wrong conclusion. It's possible we had the wrong impression of this person. It's possible...

The risk we accept when we truly dig deeper and care enough to understand why someone feels they way they feel is we might change our mind. And changing our mind might lead to even more possibility. And, it might make things better. The alternative almost certainly won't, and will probably cost more. Choose wisely.

The Next One

What will our next conversation be like? The next introduction? The next interview or sales pitch? Will it be approached exactly like the last one? Or, can we make it better?

It's easier to modify physical things because the specifications are definable and measurable. We can make it smoother, rounder, stronger or more pliable. The impact and value of a conversation however is much harder to determine. The only measurement is how we make someone feel. And this in itself is hard to measure. There's no scale for delight, empathy or compassion. It's completely individual. But, despite the lack of spec, we can try harder. We can become a better listener, more friendly, more approachable and more compassionate. We can make small adjustments and watch how people respond. Caring more about how we interact might be the most important choice we get to make.

We can't measure the clicks of the ratchet, but we know turning it will make things better. It almost certainly isn't going to make it worse.

We can't change the last one. But, we can use it to influence the next one...if we choose to.

The Gift of Failure

We all know we're going to have service failure moments, no matter our business. None of us work in a fully controlled experiment. Stuff happens.

The key is to decide what we're going to do about our failures...in advance. We need to get the thrashing out of the way when things are calm. We need to draw our lines in the sand when we have more freedom to make a good decision. And, we need to determine how our decisions support our culture ahead of show time.

Should we offer to pay for the mistake? Should we invite them to return as our guest? How much are we willing to compensate for the problem? Are we willing to be wrong even if the evidence indicates otherwise? Of course, we can't foresee every detail. We don't need to. But, what we need to understand is how we're prepared to make someone feel despite any problems. If the true goal is to let no one leave unhappy, it's a line in the sand which comes with a price. And, sometimes it's expensive, in both dollars and humility. Are we empathetic, compassionate and humble? Are we willing to be gracious in the face of failure? Or, are we more interested in being correct?

What's the failure for? Is it a gift...a chance to make an even more memorable impression? Is it a chance to rally around our values? What's the story we get to tell about how we do things around here in the face of adversity? Choose in advance. Choose wisely.