Rowing the Boat

Someone needs to row for the ship to move

Someone needs to navigate

Someone needs to build the boat

Someone needs to decide when to launch

Someone needs to pay for it

Someone needs to be responsible if we fail to get there

We tend to focus a lot on who's rowing the hardest. We forget about the other hard parts which need to happen to accomplish the goal. The sum of all parts, of all the work, makes things possible. Understanding and respecting roles is critical in the teamwork concept, especially if everyone is expected to give it their best. Leaders see value in having different people do different things. Great leaders get other people to see it also.

How Do I Make You Feel?

If our goal is to make a difference, affect change and leave a legacy of service, we might start by asking this very important question. Because without trust, security and the confidence of knowing we have unconditional support from those on the journey with us, we might never achieve the outcomes we seek.

And part two...am I vulnerable enough, open enough and generous enough to accept the answer?

Posture

What we do is important. We are what we do. But, how we do them is more important. How we posture ourselves greatly affects the change we seek to make. Some elements of a positive and effective posture...

• tone

• approach

• cadence

• velocity

• body language

• vigor

• regimen

• ethics

• generosity

• thoughtfulness

• open minded

• integrity

• smiles

• curiosity

• listening

• empathy

My Mother often told me to stand up straight so people would see me differently. Turns out, she was on to something.

Who Would Be Missed

...if we didn't show up with vigor?

...if we held back?

...if we made an excuse?

...if we didn't lean in?

...if we didn't take a risk?

...if we weren't generous?

...if we didn't listen?

People notice and value who we are and what we stand for far more than what we do. And who we are is largely made up of tiny acts, small promises and the habits we've developed. If we work on the bits and pieces, the legacy takes care of itself.

Believers vs. Followers

Two things which often get in the way of leadership…titles and authority. We’ve been conditioned to believe authority and a higher position in an organization begets a following. And on the basis of financial security, it does. But, just because a person falls in line doesn't make them a believer.

Leadership begins with a vision, and then enrollment of people in this vision. This takes tremendous patience, experience and effort…and a willingness to be accountable for change, even when the goal isn’t achieved. Of course, it’s easier to simply direct and manage an outcome. But the long-term effects of this approach are higher turn-over and poor results. It turns out, most people want to learn, want to lead and want to take an active part in the process of change. It's also well documented, people are filled with great ideas. Sometimes, better than ours. Leadership activates participation and the energy of people who believe what we believe. It gives them a chance to make a difference, not just follow along.

There are instances when a precise outcome with no variance and no time for deliberation needs to occur, an airliner in peril or when the water line breaks. These instances demand experience, and doing what this experience suggests, without deliberation. But for everything else, we need more leadership, more participation, more learning and more teaching. Because in the end, we need things to change…and this requires someone to lead us there…not just to tell us what to do next.

Notice and Ask

If we're interested in making personal change and improving a skill in hopes of being seen differently, it helps to begin with the present. What do we look like now? Of course, what we think doesn't really matter. It's just our theory until we have some affirmation from the outside world. We might believe we're friendly and outgoing. And, we might be. Or, we might be some of the time, with some people, but not others. We need to collect some data to determine reality now as well as the possibility and potential impact of our change.

Receiving feedback is much more palatable if it's a strategy. And, it doesn't need to be a formal exercise with forms and intermediaries. It could be, but it's not necessary. The key is to notice. How do people approach you, when do they seek you out, why do they come to you, what questions do they ask? Does the engagement feel rigid or forced? Or, is it friendly and open? How often do they show up? Be honest with yourself, write about this and share it with someone you trust.

Secondly, ask someone you trust to give you honest feedback for help. First, ask them to describe the type of person they look up to, want to be around, want to emulate. What are the behavioral qualities of this person? Some frequent responses...approachable, good listener, kind, consistent, inspirational, charismatic, problem solver and helpful . Now, the harder part. Ask them how you could become this person. What would you need to change in order to develop some or all of these qualities. Ask them to be specific and identify one or two small actions for each quality., i.e, smile more, approach people without an agenda, etc. It's key to identify actions they believe will help you develop. Don't debate them. Receive them, and then do them. It's true, actions speak louder than words.

Everyone is capable of change. First, they need to want to. Then, they need to listen, actively and with purpose. If we believe getting better helps those we serve, it's well worth taking a closer look.

For or To?

How can she...

• help me get where I'm going?

• help me see things I'm not seeing?

• help me get through the hard parts?

• help me improve my work?

• help me become the person others want to follow?

• help me persuade the others?

Will she help me become more like her?

Most people don't want a leader to tell them what to do. They want someone to help them get there. We need to decide which leadership culture we're building, the one which does things for people, or to people. Choose wisely.

It's a Choice

Leadership is a choice. It’s not a given thing, somehow bestowed on the gifted and talented. It’s not natural, and it requires hard work, practice, failure, experience and a lot of patience. And, most of all, it’s not for everyone. But, it is for those who choose to do it by pouring themselves into the craft of leading people to make things better. And I do think it’s a craft. Just like learning to carve driftwood, play Spanish guitar, or any artful thing you can think of...it’s something unique to the individual who makes it. It’s handmade, often starting out as a rough idea, and then carefully and meticulously honed into something useful and appreciated by others.

Humans are unique. All leaders are different. They must be because the journeys are different. The people they lead are different. But all leaders have the same posture, the same characteristics, the same qualities which make them so attractive. Part of it is their uniqueness. But most of it is their actions.

Please choose your actions wisely. But please do choose to act.

Believability

All of us want to be part of something. It might be  a discussion, an idea, or even a movement. It’s likely something special and perhaps bigger than ourselves. And, it’s not always inherently good. But we might believe it is. 

Our challenge as leaders is to assert meaningful change and to craft stories someone can see themselves being a part of, not everyone, but those which believe in the change we seek to make. 

Our stories need to...

• Be true

• Embody the core values of those people living it.

• Be possible

• Be respectful 

• Be responsible

• Be well thought out

• Be inclusive

• Be changeable

The hard work isn’t telling some to execute our idea. It’s getting someone to believe in it first.

A Better Train

People follow drama and get engaged in bashing and vitriol in droves. It’s now easier than ever to get on the train. The challenge then is to make a better train, one which represents dignity, respect and empathy even if we can’t get someone to believe our point of view. And, then to care enough to draw a line in the sand when the drama shows up. This train doesn’t go there. Thank you for not coming along. 

Leaders make tough decisions, not because they’re popular. But, because it’s the best chance to achieve the change we seek to make. 

The Tension of Limits

The speed limit is 45. Go slow enough and people see us as uncertain, confused and self centered...perhaps even worse. Exceed the limit enough and people see us arrogant, uncaring, reckless and self centered. Safe is somewhere in between. 

Much of life is this way. Fitting in at the acceptable pace gets us less attention, which is what most people hope for. 

On the road, driving within limits is the caring, responsible thing to do. But, in the context of our work, our creativity, our art and our leadership, limits are meant to be tested. In this sense, perhaps we should worry less about what the signs suggest and more about what we can do to change them.

Energy of The Crowd

Energy as it relates to biology and chemistry is a physiological process which enables us to generate heat and do work...to function. But, there's another type of energy, the one we most often refer to when describing our capacity to do more. This energy is derived not from sustenance, but from psychological inputs. Moreover, it's largely a function of who we choose to be around.

Running a marathon is challenging. Many people fade near the end...they have no more energy, no more reserve in the tank to continue. Along come some fellow runners, who through their care and encouragement, give the spent athlete new life and the capacity to finish. Students go to class and somehow survive through the boring lecture, but feel mentally drained after each session. The same students show up at another class fortunate to be part of an inspiring, inclusive, group workshop because the teacher cared enough to make school better.

Leadership, caring enough to see someone and help them change things for the better, creates energy. Fill a room with likeminded people all with their hair on fire to go somewhere and you have a movement.

Create energy, lead, and start a movement. But first, find some energy by joining the right crowd.

Choose wisely.

Circle of Influence

Who we surround ourselves with determines…

• how we think

• how we act

• what we believe

• what we learn

Who we surround ourselves with defines us. 

Spend some time reflecting on those currently around you, the people you are with most of the time. Now, think of the types of people who you would like to be around. In both cases, what are their belief systems, their values and character? Are they pioneers? Or, keepers of the status quo? Are they reckless and egocentric? Or, generous and service oriented? Who of those around you now do you need to form a deeper connection with. And where can you find more of them?

Leadership isn’t a solo act. We need others to be in the game with us. We need them to help do the lifting, but also to teach, to share insight and offer alternate perspectives. Surrounding ourselves with different people doesn't mean they aren’t like minded, those moving forward and trying to change things for the better.

Leaders surround themselves with leaders, those making small dents to create change. And, leaders actively pursue making connections with like minded, but different people. Please choose wisely.

Who's The New Joke For?

Telling a joke we know everyone will laugh at isn’t hard. It worked yesterday in Cleveland, so there’s a really good chance it will work today in Boise. We can make a nice living sticking with things which are proven to work. The same magic trick works too, as long as the audience changes. But, the trick itself, the joke...they're the same. And with relative certainty, so are the outcomes.

It turns out, the majority of people want the comfort of same. They want the certainty which comes with proven practices...and jokes. They want this at work, at play and at home. They enjoy the safety net of things going to plan. And they're okay with things staying the same as long as there's no harm being felt. But, there's also a subset of people who want something new, and the discomfort and tension which comes with it. This is the group of explorers which want things to change...to get better. This is the group most of us want to serve. These people aren't crazy, reckless or erratic. They simply desire forward motion and place a higher value on the reward of change than the comfort of staying put, even when things are generally okay. And this group is who the new joke is for. This is the group which will applaud the effort and refrain from booing or throwing things at us when the joke isn't understood. They understand this is part of playing the game. Sometimes, the punch line strikes a cord. Other times, it doesn't.

Leaders understand who their leadership is for. It's for people who want the new joke, who understand the journey is the game, and it's okay not to win. Choose who to serve before serving. Choose wisely.

The Gift of Undivided Attention

Perhaps one of the most impactful gifts we can give someone is our attention. Making someone feel like they are the center of the universe, even if just for a moment or two, is a skillful act in developing a trusting relationship. Emphasis on skill and act, because it takes both to make it work. Undivided attention isn’t effective if it’s done casually. It requires intent, practice and persistence to become part of our being. The reason we need to work so hard at it is because it’s not what most of us were trained to do. We can’t be in the business of being right, making our point or worried about getting credit if we’re truly interested in making someone else feel heard. Years of conditioning to perform make it challenging to yield the stage to someone else.

One of the biggest obstacles to giving attention is talking. Other than the words “thank you”, “I’m sorry” or “I understand", it’s virtually impossible to give someone the spotlight if we’re filling space with our words. Consider the willful act of less talking to improve a relationship. 

Say less, notice more, slow down and listen. Help someone feel they are what matters most. Rinse and repeat. Choose wisely.

I Don't Know

Perhaps we don’t. Most things aren’t predictable. And being uncertain, unsure about what to do next, is a natural condition of change. But, change can’t happen without a push forward, without someone who chooses to go, and to take responsibility for something which might not work…someone who chooses to lead.

Change agents come our way every day, often fast and furiously. I Don’t Know is a good response to create an intentional pause…to give ourselves time to think. But the important part is what comes next…what comes after I Don’t Know? And, blanks don’t count.

We need less I Don’t Know and more I Don’t Know But/And…Choose Wisely.

Power

A common mistake is to believe leadership is about power, specifically the authority over those being led. In actuality, the opposite is true. The power resides with those being served. Just like a customer has the power to go elsewhere when they are dissatisfied, so does the follower. Of course this choice isn’t exercised as much in the workplace because there is more at stake. But that doesn’t mean it makes it any less important, especially when a positive and unified culture is vital to the achievement of the mission. 

Recognizing people follow us because they believe they must is tremendous insight. But once we see it, what do we do next? Choose wisely.

Thoughtful Response

There are moments where an instinctive reaction is appropriate…like when presented with immediate and imminent danger. The amygdala jumps into action and works to keep us out of harms way. However, in virtually all other situations, we should abandon the tendency to react, work to ignore the amygdala, and think things through. The best decisions don’t come from reaction, they come from thoughtful responses. And thought with a crafted response takes time…sometimes seconds, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours or even days. Regretfully, in our step-on-the-gas, fast-paced, reactive flow of life, this pause may be perceived as quite annoying by others. But, it’s okay, they’ll get used to it. Some people are known for being reactive. Some people are known for being the calming force, the people who slow things down and think things through. 

Great leaders, through practice and experience, assess and respond…they rarely react. The assessment, thought and response cycle is a constant flow. It’s a habit formed by intentionally removing reaction from the process. Call it deer in the headlights, stumped or indecisiveness. But also consider it might be exactly what we need…to make things better.

Filling In the Gap

We have undergone a shift in the way we work. Many of us spent a lot of our time engaging directly with people, both customers and colleagues. Obviously, now and at least in the near-term, this has changed....we are now isolated. And while there is a new set of distractions related to working from home, i.e., barking dogs, kids, household noises, parcel deliveries, etc., the real issue is the tension created by loneliness and having more time. Gone for now are the commutes, impromptu corridor meetings, drop-in chats and of course the seemingly endless fire hose spray of customer and employee issues. So, we need to adjust, both for personal sanity and to ensure some level of productivity. Here some things I do when I work from home...your mileage may vary.

Routines and Boundaries

We had them before...time to get up, get ready and go to work. And when we arrived at work, we were at work until we left. I do the same thing at home. I’m fortunate to have a home office. So, I get up at the same time I always have, often go for a run, make coffee, read or write (because my mind is sparked from the exercise and caffeine), then shower, put-on my work clothes and go to my office...now I’m at work. My brain has been trained over the years in that routine. And while the location and time have changed, the routine has not. It’s this routine that helps me feel more like I’m at work. And as long as I’m in that office and it’s a work day (currently M-F, 9-5) I’m at work. If I leave that space for any reason, I’m not at work. If I go eat lunch with my kids in the other room, I’m not at work. Even if I join a Zoom Break-Room and virtually leave that space, I’m not at work. This works for me. It might not for you.

Define Your Work

Our work has changed. Like it or not, our job is different. Now, more than ever, it’s important to define what your work is for...and who it’s for. Much of our previous work was reactive...catering more to the immediate needs of our customers and colleagues. This has likely slowed tremendously or ceased. The unplanned, interruptive nature of our workflow has morphed into gaps of free time. Now, how to create work to fill that gap...this is the challenge we all face now. 

My work is still to serve the people around me...to support them through challenges and to inspire them to seek change. But now, I’m challenged to work differently, through a different lens and with different constraints. Now, I’ve shifted from direct analysis, support and helping on the front lines to the development of an environment which allows everyone to remain connected and engaged. My job now is to foster a spirit and level of comfort which leads to collaborative projects. Hopefully, these projects will result in a better experience for everyone once we return to our business. Simultaneously, I’m encouraging everyone to use the same community platform to personally level-up, learn new skills and challenge themselves in ways they might not have previously imagined. My dream is we all become more comfortable creating something from nothing, painting on a blank canvas, as a positive by-product of being forced into this “new normal” way of working. 

The questions on the table at the moment are...how will we redefine our work? And, how will we fill in the gaps? 

Choose wisely.

Extra Time

Some silver lining as we unfold current events...for all the sports fans...you just received a gift of time (no sports to watch). What are you going to do with it? Create, lead, learn...or switch channels? It's a choice...please choose wisely.